We Left Too Much Behind

We left too much behind.
A milky moon floating in our coffee
Unbuttoned thoughts
A mason jar filled with sunshine, 
And words.
Words that still float mid air
waiting to be spoken,
incomplete, cracked, dusty
And those butterflies in the stomach.
They have died.
We left too much behind.

Surrender

We speak like rattling rain
And fumble through inhibitions
Before we reach each other.
I dip each word, in the inky darkness of my mind and hang it over the moon.
And he,
He glorifies the crescent
Day after day after day.
We aren't meant for each other
We don't intend to be.
Rather
We exchange random pieces of mind
The puzzle latches perfectly.
And then we dance
In our heads, together
Surrender to the whirling
Of this dervish, the universe
He knows, and I know
This is what there is
He knows and I know
This is all that there will ever be.

Someday,
we shall meet over the moon
And read to each other
Every poem of the past

Someday,
When the moon looks brighter
Know, that we took our poems back.

Final performance

I see building blocks 
ferociously multiplying around me.
Into people, places, things
An ongoing chaos of nothingness
I am standing still, witnessing vacuum 
Trying to breathe in this noisy ensemble
One sigh at a time.
Dumb charades, my favourite childhood game
Seeped into existence,
Every performance is near perfect
Except these steely cold eyes, they refuse to budge.
And I am losing each game
To these ferociously multiplying building blocks.
Someday, the butterflies will shed their wings
And the ugly nakedness will free them
From beauty and burden
That day, they will fly astray, for once.
And the building blocks will melt
With these steely cold eyes
Dissolving everything into
A perfect final performance.

An Awaited End.

I stand alone gulping the lazy sun
Slouching in sky, avoiding everyone
A chaotic day, finally descending
Darkness sprouts in a happy ending

A quite little leaf falls from a tree
You sigh at its fall, I am glad it’s free
The dry twigs see no point extending
green, brown and a happy ending.

You say I love and I promise to stay
And our feelings change, everyday
No more farce, lets stop pretending
And bless ourselves with a happy ending.

Inhaled thoughts, condense in minds
Life is a hallucination, one of its kinds
A calm death, blissfully transcend
Each breath born with an awaited end!

Days When I Hate Rains!

And when it rains all of a sudden
Water seeps through skin and soul
I feel the droplets in my veins
A shivering, drenched, shattered whole
Something is wrong, somewhere for sure
An abrupt pain, I can’t endure
The gaps you filled dissolve in rain
Washed off thoughts, hang obscure
No I don’t understand myself
It’s too much of a walk within
And yes, the soul has changed its shape
It boldly rebels, and loves all sin
Showering clouds, once made me smile
Now all the dampness stays and seep
The murky rains weave a scary splash
Stifling emotions, pushing them deep
And when it rains all of a sudden
Tears refuse to compete and dry
It pours and pours, pain floats on brim
I scold a happy kid, dancing nearby

When I am no more!

How would I know, I am not here?
A stagnant period. A sudden fear.
Who will open my window at dawn?
And snooze my alarm when I am gone.
That creaky cupboard and stubborn drawer
Who will take my warm water shower?
Sleepy mirror, would you forget this face?
Will the air suffer? Just in case!
My words, poems, books and its pages
My stifled thoughts, unimagined images
Will they wait for me in vain?
Or stick to someone else’s pain?
Unseen tomorrows, unheard talks
Claps and shivers and smiles and walks
Where will all of it suddenly go?
Replacing life with an empty flow
Nihility is such a curious bliss
When I am no more,
Who would be imagining this?

Something Weird Happened That Day!

In case I forget to write about this
I want you know
I swallowed some words by mistake once
And didn’t understand where did they go?
I feel something on my fingertips
A charming passionate greed
Thoughts flow and words follow
At a magically divine speed
There’s a tree growing within me
I feel each branch and leaf
Some poems fall on an autumn eve
I shake them off my sleeve
Spaces and voids, long and large
Melt into thoughts and stay
I often keep wondering what happened
To the words I swallowed that day?

A ‘Not-So-Pleasant’ Love Song!

Being in love is a funny term
An uncomfortable, constant squirm.
Life, longing, touch and pain
Everything at once, goes in vain
You can’t see this, you won’t do that
And all of a sudden, what are you looking at?
Dreams decay and truths expose
Togetherness becomes a frozen pose
A blank stare, loitering around
Untouched moments, no trace of sound
Rose petals falling apart
A lonely, stagnant, wounded heart.

Get up one day and hold her close
Spare him of your instruction overdose
Look at her and kiss her eyes
Don’t over-react on his size and lies.
Take a day off, do your own things
Count your breaths, spread your wings
Too much of love and all that pretence
Understand, at times, nothing makes sense
Love yourself and then the other
Stop being her dad, and his mother
Love is over-rated, companionship stays
Bring on the colors, shed off those greys

Happy Poem!

Heaps and heaps of words
Stuck in desperation, mute, blind
I un-turn pages and unfold stories
A deliberate, hysterical rewind
A happy poem they ask for
Colour, dance and delight
I dig out thoughts, restlessly
Terrified letters turn white
A little joy stuck on my ink
Left unattended for long
A sore throat, humming pain
Forgotten childhood song
Pages and pages of tear drops
I touch the dried up pain
Frozen words, no glimpse of glee
Beautifully insane
Joy slowly leaks through verses
A constant discomforting writhe
The idea of a happy poem
Is merely an unaccepted myth

One Moment.

It’s all just a moment
Life squeezed in a drop
Questions burst like bubbles
Leaving an utter full stop
Tomorrow is a myth of mind
Hold me close and stay
Nothing matters and nothing remains
Our breaths are melting away
Next kiss, another chance
An ongoing empty sham
I will, I should, I wish I could
There’s nothing but ‘I am’
Dreams decay, wishes fade
Too much thought, little said
A lump of love, held tight within
Unexpressed and afraid

A little wish,
Before thoughts perish...

One moment of growing wings
One moment of breaking strings
One moment of open sky
And one last for a calm goodbye

Beautifully Breathless!

My breath,
Mixed with pungent thoughts
Dissolves within
And grows thoughts under my skin
Like a disease, spread with ease!
My breath,
Crawls in the tunnel of lungs
Doing an abandoned dance, in trance
In pain she sighs, and yet never dies!
My breath,
Keeps me alive and warm
In the dead set coldness of life
Her wounds bleed, pains exceed!
My breath,
Takes a shape of you
In emptiness of my repulsive body
I keep her within, hardly breathing!
My breath,
Pleasantly releases you, and me
From the suffocating gasps of destiny!

Inseparable.

I am stuck to you in body and soul
A thought, a gesture, a smile, a mole
Rewind your days and count me again
I sum up more than your restless pain
You search yourself in my form
To confide, argue and conform
Your wish to be left alone and quiet
Never misses my mind, my sight
I walk with you on a dingy street
I am that unknown fear you meet
A tear drenched pillow feels my touch
And I know you miss me, oh so much
Your heart beats faster when you are kind
I sense when a void blocks your mind
Call me no God, no spirit nor Zen
I am just Words resting in your pen

Naked Expressions

The worn out longing rests in me
Blooming a thought sluggishly
Of times when you unwrapped within
Your touch melting in my transparent skin
A heavy block of pain in throat
Zillion words thought and wrote
Your being was my poem for life
Naked expressions gasping in strife
Time and space, there are no such things
I stuck to core, you grew all wings
My existence breeds your sense and smell
A dangerously beautiful, eternal spell

Blind Love!

I move mechanically on concrete roads
Puzzled surrounding, locked in codes
Straight faces, scanning smoke
Lifeless existence, a solemn joke.
Just then something knocks my brain
A figure holding umbrella, when there’s no rain
Peace struck shape, no layers of worry
In some kind of spell, no rush, no hurry.
Grip me at once, I walk her way
And that explains getting carried away
I utter a meek ‘excuse me’ there
She turns with a cheerful, blank stare
Two sightless eyes, touch my sound
Painting me in darkness all around
‘Oh! I am so sorry’ I hear me say
She replies ‘Ain’t it a beautiful day?’
"I hear birds chirping, the breeze makes me sing
And life is such a marvellous thing
I imagine it all and bliss paints the dim
Experiencing my being, filled to the brim"
She says goodbye and smiles again
No bout of grief, no streak of pain
My blind love moment, an unforgettable chapter
Gives me and my life, a happily ever after.

No I won’t!

I refuse to inherit cruel conditioning
I will breathe my own bizarre air
Call me a rebel if you wish
I don’t deny, nor do I care
Bare feet on filthy roads
A brutal smile to each stranger
I refuse to manicure my untidy nails
Bring on your so called, wild danger
I laugh aloud, I live in a trance
Doing an imperfect, abandoned dance
No regrets, no repairs, not even guilt
No, I don’t need a second chance.
Gaudy skirts, scarves and stilettos,
Faces smeared with gold-plated foils
I prefer the sweaty grains on flesh
Caressed by streams, sky and soils
Tag me a forbidden outsider,
Call my life a bundle of waste
I choose to live on my own terms
Indecently passionate and chaste.

A Zillion Wonderful Things

I hid that first poem from everyone
But you read it in my eyes
You taught me to love my books
And smile with every sunrise
I don’t understand this world
I would crib and ask you why
“You will learn as you mature”
Those words I could never deny
We shared thoughts and stories
You helped me arrange my rhyme
Our football game in the drawing room
The constantly giggling wind chime
My teacher told you once
Your daughter is naughty as hell
‘She is what she is’
You said at once in rebel
I sneaked into your blanket
After watching a movie of ghost
You somehow knew my happy key
And offered me a buttered toast
You said life is like that bread toaster
At times the grilling gets tough
Just add the bliss of your favourite butter
And remember you always have enough
You taught me to enjoy silence
And soar without wings
To believe every heart is beautiful
And a zillion wonderful things
On a lonely evening, amidst all chaos
Whenever I look at the pale sky
A dad who made me who I am
Reminds me how to fly

In love with self

A lonely piece of night on my palm
Restlessness maturing to blissful calm
Shapes of life moulding in me
Fencing the fields of destiny
Solitary thoughts rooted in self
Refusing support, rejecting help
Unwinding the core, reaching within
To bones, blood, muscles & skin
A companionship completely pure
Emotions clear, words too sure
They call me loner and offer me a hand
I need no one, they don’t understand
Relationship with self, a new love affair
Peacefully lost, content and unaware
Emptiness fills me up to the brim
And self becomes a fulfilled dream

While You Rest

Remembrances...
A wild laugh, needling rain, choked breath, flashes of pain.
Memories slumber, dreams drain!
A past I hold, tied to my back.
A heavy bulging, under the skin, sack
I walk past the stories, of flowers and song
A faint recall to where I belong
Dreaded destinies, you answered their call
And life was full of ‘nothing at all’
Long fingers, naughty eyes, strong arms and chest
I saw everything peacefully, put to rest!

Another Poem Lost!

Words
Stick to my hands, cling to my fingers, hide under my elbow.
A trembling poem loses its grip and drops on the sheet.
Petrified!
Alphabets behave funny these days.
Like a mute child with an unbearable stomach-ache.
Baffled phrases bulky with meanings
Heave a sigh for some fresh air.
I am answerable to words, they grow on me
We are poetic parasites, addicted mutually
Hearts glorify my words, in a flattering applause
I put my pen to rest, mourning another poem's loss.

Will I See You Flying?

She lived like a gush of wind
And looked like breeze in trance
Her thoughts freely bounced on paper
In an awesomely imperfect dance

She loved and sang and smiled to the sky
Dived in dreams without asking why

Her hair hung loose, they swept the blues
She changed stifled Dont’s to cheerful ‘Do’s’

How who what where?
She had no time to care.
An open book, a coffee mug
And cosy whispers of their love affair.

She spoke like a waterfall
Could reach the sky when stood tall

Each thought born & brought up well
Expressions you could touch and smell

One life blessed with fresh little things
Where thoughts could easily turn into wings.

A friend I lost to chaos and pain
Will I see you flying, ever again?