An Awaited End.

I stand alone gulping the lazy sun
Slouching in sky, avoiding everyone
A chaotic day, finally descending
Darkness sprouts in a happy ending

A quite little leaf falls from a tree
You sigh at its fall, I am glad it’s free
The dry twigs see no point extending
green, brown and a happy ending.

You say I love and I promise to stay
And our feelings change, everyday
No more farce, lets stop pretending
And bless ourselves with a happy ending.

Inhaled thoughts, condense in minds
Life is a hallucination, one of its kinds
A calm death, blissfully transcend
Each breath born with an awaited end!

Days When I Hate Rains!

And when it rains all of a sudden
Water seeps through skin and soul
I feel the droplets in my veins
A shivering, drenched, shattered whole
Something is wrong, somewhere for sure
An abrupt pain, I can’t endure
The gaps you filled dissolve in rain
Washed off thoughts, hang obscure
No I don’t understand myself
It’s too much of a walk within
And yes, the soul has changed its shape
It boldly rebels, and loves all sin
Showering clouds, once made me smile
Now all the dampness stays and seep
The murky rains weave a scary splash
Stifling emotions, pushing them deep
And when it rains all of a sudden
Tears refuse to compete and dry
It pours and pours, pain floats on brim
I scold a happy kid, dancing nearby

When I am no more!

How would I know, I am not here?
A stagnant period. A sudden fear.
Who will open my window at dawn?
And snooze my alarm when I am gone.
That creaky cupboard and stubborn drawer
Who will take my warm water shower?
Sleepy mirror, would you forget this face?
Will the air suffer? Just in case!
My words, poems, books and its pages
My stifled thoughts, unimagined images
Will they wait for me in vain?
Or stick to someone else’s pain?
Unseen tomorrows, unheard talks
Claps and shivers and smiles and walks
Where will all of it suddenly go?
Replacing life with an empty flow
Nihility is such a curious bliss
When I am no more,
Who would be imagining this?

Something Weird Happened That Day!

In case I forget to write about this
I want you know
I swallowed some words by mistake once
And didn’t understand where did they go?
I feel something on my fingertips
A charming passionate greed
Thoughts flow and words follow
At a magically divine speed
There’s a tree growing within me
I feel each branch and leaf
Some poems fall on an autumn eve
I shake them off my sleeve
Spaces and voids, long and large
Melt into thoughts and stay
I often keep wondering what happened
To the words I swallowed that day?

A ‘Not-So-Pleasant’ Love Song!

Being in love is a funny term
An uncomfortable, constant squirm.
Life, longing, touch and pain
Everything at once, goes in vain
You can’t see this, you won’t do that
And all of a sudden, what are you looking at?
Dreams decay and truths expose
Togetherness becomes a frozen pose
A blank stare, loitering around
Untouched moments, no trace of sound
Rose petals falling apart
A lonely, stagnant, wounded heart.

Get up one day and hold her close
Spare him of your instruction overdose
Look at her and kiss her eyes
Don’t over-react on his size and lies.
Take a day off, do your own things
Count your breaths, spread your wings
Too much of love and all that pretence
Understand, at times, nothing makes sense
Love yourself and then the other
Stop being her dad, and his mother
Love is over-rated, companionship stays
Bring on the colors, shed off those greys

Happy Poem!

Heaps and heaps of words
Stuck in desperation, mute, blind
I un-turn pages and unfold stories
A deliberate, hysterical rewind
A happy poem they ask for
Colour, dance and delight
I dig out thoughts, restlessly
Terrified letters turn white
A little joy stuck on my ink
Left unattended for long
A sore throat, humming pain
Forgotten childhood song
Pages and pages of tear drops
I touch the dried up pain
Frozen words, no glimpse of glee
Beautifully insane
Joy slowly leaks through verses
A constant discomforting writhe
The idea of a happy poem
Is merely an unaccepted myth

One Moment.

It’s all just a moment
Life squeezed in a drop
Questions burst like bubbles
Leaving an utter full stop
Tomorrow is a myth of mind
Hold me close and stay
Nothing matters and nothing remains
Our breaths are melting away
Next kiss, another chance
An ongoing empty sham
I will, I should, I wish I could
There’s nothing but ‘I am’
Dreams decay, wishes fade
Too much thought, little said
A lump of love, held tight within
Unexpressed and afraid

A little wish,
Before thoughts perish...

One moment of growing wings
One moment of breaking strings
One moment of open sky
And one last for a calm goodbye

Beautifully Breathless!

My breath,
Mixed with pungent thoughts
Dissolves within
And grows thoughts under my skin
Like a disease, spread with ease!
My breath,
Crawls in the tunnel of lungs
Doing an abandoned dance, in trance
In pain she sighs, and yet never dies!
My breath,
Keeps me alive and warm
In the dead set coldness of life
Her wounds bleed, pains exceed!
My breath,
Takes a shape of you
In emptiness of my repulsive body
I keep her within, hardly breathing!
My breath,
Pleasantly releases you, and me
From the suffocating gasps of destiny!

Inseparable.

I am stuck to you in body and soul
A thought, a gesture, a smile, a mole
Rewind your days and count me again
I sum up more than your restless pain
You search yourself in my form
To confide, argue and conform
Your wish to be left alone and quiet
Never misses my mind, my sight
I walk with you on a dingy street
I am that unknown fear you meet
A tear drenched pillow feels my touch
And I know you miss me, oh so much
Your heart beats faster when you are kind
I sense when a void blocks your mind
Call me no God, no spirit nor Zen
I am just Words resting in your pen

Naked Expressions

The worn out longing rests in me
Blooming a thought sluggishly
Of times when you unwrapped within
Your touch melting in my transparent skin
A heavy block of pain in throat
Zillion words thought and wrote
Your being was my poem for life
Naked expressions gasping in strife
Time and space, there are no such things
I stuck to core, you grew all wings
My existence breeds your sense and smell
A dangerously beautiful, eternal spell

Blind Love!

I move mechanically on concrete roads
Puzzled surrounding, locked in codes
Straight faces, scanning smoke
Lifeless existence, a solemn joke.
Just then something knocks my brain
A figure holding umbrella, when there’s no rain
Peace struck shape, no layers of worry
In some kind of spell, no rush, no hurry.
Grip me at once, I walk her way
And that explains getting carried away
I utter a meek ‘excuse me’ there
She turns with a cheerful, blank stare
Two sightless eyes, touch my sound
Painting me in darkness all around
‘Oh! I am so sorry’ I hear me say
She replies ‘Ain’t it a beautiful day?’
"I hear birds chirping, the breeze makes me sing
And life is such a marvellous thing
I imagine it all and bliss paints the dim
Experiencing my being, filled to the brim"
She says goodbye and smiles again
No bout of grief, no streak of pain
My blind love moment, an unforgettable chapter
Gives me and my life, a happily ever after.

No I won’t!

I refuse to inherit cruel conditioning
I will breathe my own bizarre air
Call me a rebel if you wish
I don’t deny, nor do I care
Bare feet on filthy roads
A brutal smile to each stranger
I refuse to manicure my untidy nails
Bring on your so called, wild danger
I laugh aloud, I live in a trance
Doing an imperfect, abandoned dance
No regrets, no repairs, not even guilt
No, I don’t need a second chance.
Gaudy skirts, scarves and stilettos,
Faces smeared with gold-plated foils
I prefer the sweaty grains on flesh
Caressed by streams, sky and soils
Tag me a forbidden outsider,
Call my life a bundle of waste
I choose to live on my own terms
Indecently passionate and chaste.

A Zillion Wonderful Things

I hid that first poem from everyone
But you read it in my eyes
You taught me to love my books
And smile with every sunrise
I don’t understand this world
I would crib and ask you why
“You will learn as you mature”
Those words I could never deny
We shared thoughts and stories
You helped me arrange my rhyme
Our football game in the drawing room
The constantly giggling wind chime
My teacher told you once
Your daughter is naughty as hell
‘She is what she is’
You said at once in rebel
I sneaked into your blanket
After watching a movie of ghost
You somehow knew my happy key
And offered me a buttered toast
You said life is like that bread toaster
At times the grilling gets tough
Just add the bliss of your favourite butter
And remember you always have enough
You taught me to enjoy silence
And soar without wings
To believe every heart is beautiful
And a zillion wonderful things
On a lonely evening, amidst all chaos
Whenever I look at the pale sky
A dad who made me who I am
Reminds me how to fly

In love with self

A lonely piece of night on my palm
Restlessness maturing to blissful calm
Shapes of life moulding in me
Fencing the fields of destiny
Solitary thoughts rooted in self
Refusing support, rejecting help
Unwinding the core, reaching within
To bones, blood, muscles & skin
A companionship completely pure
Emotions clear, words too sure
They call me loner and offer me a hand
I need no one, they don’t understand
Relationship with self, a new love affair
Peacefully lost, content and unaware
Emptiness fills me up to the brim
And self becomes a fulfilled dream

While You Rest

Remembrances...
A wild laugh, needling rain, choked breath, flashes of pain.
Memories slumber, dreams drain!
A past I hold, tied to my back.
A heavy bulging, under the skin, sack
I walk past the stories, of flowers and song
A faint recall to where I belong
Dreaded destinies, you answered their call
And life was full of ‘nothing at all’
Long fingers, naughty eyes, strong arms and chest
I saw everything peacefully, put to rest!

Another Poem Lost!

Words
Stick to my hands, cling to my fingers, hide under my elbow.
A trembling poem loses its grip and drops on the sheet.
Petrified!
Alphabets behave funny these days.
Like a mute child with an unbearable stomach-ache.
Baffled phrases bulky with meanings
Heave a sigh for some fresh air.
I am answerable to words, they grow on me
We are poetic parasites, addicted mutually
Hearts glorify my words, in a flattering applause
I put my pen to rest, mourning another poem's loss.

Will I See You Flying?

She lived like a gush of wind
And looked like breeze in trance
Her thoughts freely bounced on paper
In an awesomely imperfect dance

She loved and sang and smiled to the sky
Dived in dreams without asking why

Her hair hung loose, they swept the blues
She changed stifled Dont’s to cheerful ‘Do’s’

How who what where?
She had no time to care.
An open book, a coffee mug
And cosy whispers of their love affair.

She spoke like a waterfall
Could reach the sky when stood tall

Each thought born & brought up well
Expressions you could touch and smell

One life blessed with fresh little things
Where thoughts could easily turn into wings.

A friend I lost to chaos and pain
Will I see you flying, ever again?

Death.

... And then one day she picked a knife
Slashed her palm stuck in destiny and strife
A grin like flash of peace in pain
Yahweh, don’t bring me to life again!


When end becomes a new dawn
And nothing exists to go on
Her thoughts shall linger in the air
Beyond everything, every time, everywhere!

मुंबई!

ये शेहेर जिसमे जान बसती है...
रंगबिरंगी सब आँखें है, जहाँ पटरियाँ हसती है|
चलता रहता है ये शेहेर, जहाँ तक नज़रें ले जाए
हर तनहा मुसाफिर को, पूरा समंदर दे जाए|
घड़ियाँ यहाँ बोलती है,
सपनो को भाव लगाकर तोलती है
हर नुक्कड़, हर गली
अनगिनत कहानियाँ खोलती है|
फूटपाथ की भी यहाँ सांसें चलती है, गोद लिए फिरती है जिंदगियाँ कई
मशरूफ है अपने आप में सदियों से ये शेहेर
ये शेहेर कभी बूढा होता ही नहीं|

Midnight Friendship

You called me at midnight the other day
And told me you can’t sleep
I yelled at you for waking me up
Hung up the phone
Went back to bed
And this time I couldn’t.
So I called you back
To ask what’s bothering you?
You shared
A complicated thought
That we celebrated the whole night
Wide awake.
Linked by a long telephone cable.
2 hours 13 minutes 4 seconds.
I don’t remember any other night
So clear!

Home Alone!

Today, like everyday
You forgot to smile at the mirror
The house waved and waved
You probably didn’t notice!
Buses and cars and people and dogs
The sun was scanning them all
Realization. Oh! I forgot my handkerchief
You missed the drawer’s creaky call
Office work must be served on table
Overeating is your habit
You left the bedroom window open
The room breathes heat
Two arms of an old clock
Move through the day in pain
You gulp a hot sip of water at office
The kitchen refrigerator grumbles. Again!
Projects, files, reports and deadlines
You worry “There’s so much to do”
An empty house, silent and still
Desperately keeps waiting for you.

For those who can't sleep at night!

Sleepless nights
Arms melting in a void
Words refuse to shape up
A poem wide awake by my side
Charming solitude
Around me…
Nothingness
Surround me…
Darkness breathes in slow trance
A constant sermon of silence
Invisible moments dissolve quietly
A beautiful, breath taking penance!

Existence

I belong to the song of the sun
Humming the chants of flame
I breathe.

The sea rests in me motionless
With its endless depths
I think.

Storms of being, clear the chaos
Emptiness of chaste silence
I hear.

A dark patch keeps unfolding infinitely
Spreading out a sky that grows
I see.

Lives I live in myriad thoughts
Self seeps through words
I exist.

Falling Apart

Too much said, too much heard.
Numbness remains, unperturbed.
Freckles of past, growing on words
Poems look like a discolored herd
Stifling sunrises deep within
Echoing thoughts under the skin
I crave for myself, more each time
Reciting a wordless, empty rhyme
Thoughts
In slots. Arrive and depart.
Moments and memories
Falling apart.

Library Lovers

I saw him behind the stack of books
Skinny build and ordinary looks
Thick black frame around sleepy eyes
Expression clam and mighty wise

She barged in and stood with a stare
Scared me a moment, unaware
A long blue skirt and half knotted curls
Little different than those next door girls

He caught my eyes, gave a disturbed smile
And that’s what I call ‘The Nerdy Style’

Smiling is polite, I was taught in school
Then why did she react like I was a fool?

What did he think?
Did she even blink?

I should have smiled back
I just sat there like a sack

He’ll think I am a pile on
Oh no! She’s already gone

Two lives. One interesting chapter.
Fell in love and lived happily ever after!

The Monday afternoon song!

I get these weird reading pangs, as Monday afternoon awkwardly hangs.

Kafka’s letter to his dad
Morrison makes me ‘oh so sad’
Amitav Ghosh and his brain stirring images
“Poetry undergoing new-lingo damages”

Four gulps of water and a (micro)soft jerk
Is all it takes to get me back to work!

Books

Flipping pages inhaling words
Like open arms and fluttering birds.
A clay pot, a blue sky. Paddy fields passing by.
Just touch each word, it comes to life
With laughter, anger, pleasure and strife
I travel with people living in books
Resting under trees, hidden in nooks
Dusty jacket and a frail spine
An old bulky volume groans a whine
A lean booklet peeps from the shelf
Casually asks ‘Do you need help?’
Histories, spaces, fantasies and facts
Stubborn pages, refuse to react
With greed I read, I plead I bleed
Snooze a chapter, catch back the speed
A patch of self they paint with colors
Worth more than a million dollars
I love faces hidden with books
Crafting a bond with familiar looks

Letter to a friend…

Remember that fairy tale we read together?

The prince and princess wearing crowns studded
With rarest of gems!
I got the similar ones made from my jeweler.
But he says he’ll have to replace the gems with artificial colored stones
I Compromised!

And you remember we read about the lamp they had that
Emitted the light of love?
I tried finding it in each mall but managed to find just an ordinary one
They sold it saying “The soothing light will make you fall in love”
I bought it with the explanation.
I Compromised!

And how could I forget those fruits the prince plucked from the tree of wishes
He gifted each wish to the princess.
There are not many fruit trees left in my city. I just bought a few fruits from the fruit seller. One of them was even rotten.
Does that mean our wishes are rotting out? Maybe!
But…I Compromised!

I managed to get most of the things we read about in that fairy tale.
Last night….
I tried to make that fairy tale a reality
But I couldn’t
This time I can’t compromise!

So I am giving up the real and going back to where we started.
No compromises anymore.

Hope you read me in the next fairy tale.